Today was a fast day, Asharah b'tevet, the Tenth of Tevet, memorializing the begining of the destruction of Jerusalem, and the Temple.
Sitting here I try and imagine whtat it was like when the Temple stood and how our ancestors could have seen the Temple, participated in her services and messed up so badly. How did the distance come between them and G-d.
There are days where I feel very close to G-d, and days where I feel more distant. Today I felt more distant. Maybe it was the worry for my son who'll be entering the army quite soon now, maybe it was the rant I had yesterday, leaving me with a bitter taste in my mouth, maybe it was simply that I feel tired from the fast, maybe it is a combination. Whatever it was I was feeling wrung out and finding it hard to make that connection.
So I searched for something by Rabbi Nachum of Breslov; he always cheers me up. and I found something, this:.
The sealed lipThe disciple of Rabbi Nachman of Breslov went to him:
"I cannot talk to God."
"This often happens," said Nachman. "We feel that our lips are sealed, or that the words do not come. However, the simple fact that effort is needed to overcome the situation, is a beneficial attitude."
"But it is not enough," insisted the disciple.
"You are right. At such times, what you must do is look up and say: "My God, I am far from You and cannot believe in my voice."
"For, in truth, God listens and always answers. It is only we who cannot speak, fearful that He is not paying attention.
Which was just what I needed.
It is amazing what we really do have, all the gifts G-d gives us on a daily basis; sometimes I just forget to look.
Posted by Rachel Ann at December 22, 2004 05:13 PM