March 20, 2006


If you could take back one thing you said to one person, what would it be and to whom was it said, and what would you say instead?

I know what I would take back: I was waiting outside a Shul in New York city, a rather well known Shul, waiting for my husband to arrive so we could go in and listen to a Torah lesson. A strange (in many ways) woman came up to me, very angry, her face set and hard, and she began ranting about Mikveh, how she hated it, how she didn't really go but only told her husband she went and actually she just went for a walk around the block, on and on...and I sat there stunned, not at all certain what to say. I must have responded somehow, gave some answer to her anger, but I can't remember the exact words.

Then she stopped; her face took on a look of disdain: "You'll probably be one of those who has ten kids!" she spat at me.

"No. Six" I snapped back, because this was what my husband and I had talked about, and I, at that point, was anxious to show I wasn't the kind of woman who just had baby after baby. At that point in my life I wanted a career; children nursed for 6mns, then set to the care of a babysitter, me off doing some good for someone else. "Six" I said, making believe I really was the one in control of the situation.
And if I could II would take back, and would answer instead.
"I'll take ten or I'll take twenty, or half as many or three times agian. I will take whatever G-d gives me and be happy for the blessings I am given."

Now, older, wiser, I wonder how I could have thought that I could named a number of children as if each and everyone granted wasn't worth all the world, as if G-d wouldn't know the right number for me. I wish I had known to appreciate the blessing of carrying, bearing and raising even a single soul in the world.

I have been blessed by my five.

Sometimes I wish I did have this great career where people were amazed by my ablities and accomplisments; plaques and testimonials on the wall, a fat pay check.

But I got my blessings, and I am the luckiest mom in the world.

And I take back everything I said to that woman.

Thank you G-d for blessing me as You have.

Posted by Rachel Ann at March 20, 2006 06:37 AM | TrackBack

When I found out I was pregnant with my 4th child, my 3rd was only 7 months old. I panicked and told my husband there was no way I could handle another baby. I wish I could take that back and say instead that I know I can handle whatever is given to me. I did - and I wouldn't trade #4 for anything in the world.

Posted by: Jules at March 20, 2006 07:32 PM

I have many things I have regretted saying in my life...too many to even consider! But I do wish I had trusted G-D more by not using birth control...NOW, I can see it is likely I would not have had more than 6 children anyway...though I enjoy the 3 I have...I wish I had more now and of course, it is too late. Too late the smart! Thanks for sharing this story!

Posted by: Elizabeth at March 22, 2006 06:51 PM

Ok, that was beautiful, Rachel Anne.

Posted by: RP at March 23, 2006 08:57 PM

When I first read this, I'll admit that my mind went to something I wish I would have said in a cocky way instead of just playing it cool. The fact that you turned that in the opposite direction and to the positive makes me believe I have a long way to go as human beings are concerned. I still have a lot of animosity in me for people who are inconsiderate and find it hard to turn the other cheek and look at my blessings. I do in retrospect, but not in the spur of the moment. You are quite amazing, to me.

Posted by: Linda at March 23, 2006 11:08 PM
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