April 28, 2005

The Four Questions

Or five, six, ten. Judaisim, at least the Judaism I know and love, encourages questions, questioning. If you don't understand something, if you think something doesn't make sense, if you have trouble believing X or Y is true; ASK!

I suppose that either some branches or different, or that some people within certain communities have been left with the impression that questioning is wrong if the questions assume a degree of doubt.

I don't think I could survive a branch of Judaism that would condemn me for thoughts and feelings. I would have to oust myself at this point. With all the financial crisis that we continue to go through, often my feelings surge about the idea that G-d has decided we are on the "do not answer" list. I hate the lack of money, the difficulty in paying our bills, our inability to purchase this house, to build it up, to make it something I want.

That last is a real kicker. I WANT THIS HOUSE! I want it so badly, it is a burn inside me. And we can't pull it off, not now, not with the slave job my dh works at. Which he hates. Which I hate, for many reasons, not only the pay scale, but the treatment of the workers, the hours, the you-name-it.

And we can't buy the house. What does G-d want from me? From us? What are we doing wrong?

And I am really angry with G-d about this. If I could just get a reasonable answer.

And other's can say all they want "Just remember G-d is always doing for your good" or some version of this thought, and it doesn't settle anything inside me.

I'm still angry and bitter.

And then there is the other part of me that knows G-d loves me and wants what is good for me, and can handle my being angry and bitter. I love G-d. I know G-d is there for me, even when I'm not that pleseant to be around.

Posted by Rachel Ann at April 28, 2005 09:51 AM


Any branch of Judaism that is afraid to allow questions is ridiculous and so not representative of the Jewish tradition.

G-d does love you (I hope!), but I wouldn't waste energy trying to work out why sometimes we get everything too easily. Be the best person you can be and the adversity will make you a stronger and better person for it.

Where is the house you want? Do you have a lawyer? I know a great property lawyer in Israel for you if you need.


Posted by: The Rabbi's Kid at April 29, 2005 02:17 AM

G-d is neither a banker nor santa claus.

Take a few steps back and re-evaluate. There's something better for you out there, and you're missing it because you're hyper-focusing.

And make a list of all the wonderful things you do have, family members, health--come on, keep going. Everything will be absolutely wonderful.

Posted by: muse at April 29, 2005 05:25 AM
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