January 26, 2005


The worst movie ever made. The movie you think should have never made it out of whatever mind had conceived it. The movie that should be beaten for daring to exist.

I nominate SIGNS.
Okay, premise; aliens who hate water and who have been to earth before, return to earth for whatever nefarious reasons. They leave marks in the ground crop as naviagation tools (I suppose whoever left the marks didn't need to know this stuff. Not to mention the fact, as my dh pointed out, that they managed to acutally find Earth in the first place.)

However, we shouldn't feel that aliens have come without giving us fair warning. There is a book, which not only describes the events, but has a picture of the very farmhouse where the action will take place, said book owned by one of the dufuses (dad, brother, two winsome children, one with asthma, of course, so he will have a couple of near fatal asthama attacks) whom, knowing this stuff, choose not to abandon hearth and home but to stay and cower in the basement. This will teach those damn aliens!

Of course people in the Middle East apparently find that water is an anthema to these aliens, but the news reports, which report on the saving of the planet, don't know this little tidbit, so cowering family in the basement gets to discover it on their on.

There is more, but whoever didn't pat the screenwriter on the head and send him off to bed must have been drunk. I can't beleive it made it to the screen.

Lest one accuse me of having actually sat through it, know, I left it on, MST3K like, while I blogged, talked on the phone and made myself something to eat.

I could have been redeemed; if someone had the foresight to play it WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY over the top and make it a comedy (which it semi-succeeded in being anyway) or if they had played it turn of the screw like, where the family goes insane but the world is simply going on...but...

Anyway, which movie is your favorite as the worst of them all?

Posted by Rachel Ann at January 26, 2005 09:41 AM

Good luck with the Israeli and Jewish blog awards. I just started a new blog. Any advice?


Don't worry, Be b'Simcha!

Posted by: Yosef Baruch at January 26, 2005 11:51 PM

Worst movie I ever saw in a theater: Hardbodies.

It was the summer of '84. I was at Lackland Air Force Base's Combat Arms Instructor School. My friend and fellow student Rebecca and I decided to go to the movies.

Of course, the base's theater had only one flick showing so we had no choice. We knew we were going to see some kind of sex-c0medy, but, whew! This was the most vaccuous, inane, pointless steaming pile of sqwat that ever hit the fan screen.

The men are pigs, the girls are sluts and the dialogue is horrendous.

Two main female characters are naked and looking at themselves in a full-length mirror:

Girl 1 [Giddy and confused]: Why do men like boobs? I mean, they do anything. They just hang there... Girl 2 [Anchored and waxing philosophical]: Because they don't have them.

That was the movie most poignant moment. The producers said "Hey! Let's make a movie with nekkid women!" "But, we don't have an idea for a script!" "Well.... write one anyway!"

Rebecca and I left the theater shaking our heads and laughing that we'd decided to spend our time being nothing but insulted and emotionally abused. Did I mention that we'd just joined the Air Force? ;)

Posted by: Tuning Spork at January 27, 2005 04:27 AM


Other typos aside; I should say, rather, that we were "emotionally insulted and intellectually abused." Yeah, that'll do.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at January 27, 2005 04:32 AM

My vote goes to Cannibal Woman in the Avocado Jungle of Death. That was so bad it was good.

Posted by: RP at January 27, 2005 05:35 PM
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