January 22, 2005


Shabbat was full of quiet this week, the Wit being on base and the Agent spending the Shabbat with a friend (from the US). So it was just the two little ones, my husband and myself; and the girls played by themselves and I thought of how it would be in a couple of years when this was the norm.

The house getting quieter and quieter, our food bill going steadily downward, till it was just me and the dh left in the house which will, incredibly expand before our eyes the way a young child, previously the "baby of the family" ages at the birth of a younger sibling. "Was s/he always that large?"

I am not sure I'm ready for this contraction; but of course it happens to all families. One day one is growing the next, inexplicitly, one is contracting---like some think the universe will--expand then contract, and then it all begins elsewhere.

Meanwhile I still have not found the Teudot Z'hute (TZ), and this has devastated me frankly. I am so careful with that blasted thing, where could it be? I never remove it from my purse unless I need it and then it goes right back in; I check almost every time I remove something from my bag to make sure it wasn't removed as well. I know it terms of life it is a rather minor thing, such as losing one's license etc. etc. a bit embarrassing, but not an earthshaking event, yet it was bothering me considerably. I found myself trying to make deals with G-d as if G-d needed my whatever, and was thus vulnerable to bribes. What a way to pray, I realize, what a horrible way to relate to G-d. There is nothing wrong with turning to G-d of course, but to sink to that level.

I don't know why this is eating at my soul except I take it as a personal failure, and I am by nature a worrywart, going over and over something till I am in emotional tatters.

A personality flaw, admittedly.

There are a couple of other places where it might be; I'm checking along the path I go to the girls school, the room we used (I have to search for the book there as well) and a friend, where, if the TZ is there it is there by an incredible string of events, but I'm praying, as the thought came to me in a flash about midnight, that it is by her.

Oh well. If it doesn't show up by about Tuesday we will go in and report it missing. Maybe it was stolen from me and I'm the victim of some sort of id theft.

That's all for today folks.
Get those Haveil Havelim nominations in. Last chance now!!

Posted by Rachel Ann at January 22, 2005 05:05 PM

My timer suddenly appeared on the table. I asked my husband who said that he found it near his tallis bag in the front hall. Strange I hadn't seen it for two weeks, since coming back from my exercise class and running to teach. and he takes the tallis everyday.
Maybe your tz will magically appear.

Posted by: muse at January 22, 2005 05:56 PM

I hear they have days like this... even in Australia.
I hope you find the TZ soon.

Posted by: Beth at January 23, 2005 08:19 PM
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