October 19, 2004

Noon or Dawn?

Penumbra. Shadow. Dawn. Dusk. Ethereal. Purple. Moon. These words stir my soul. I love the sound, and the images they bring to my mind. The soft sounds of leaves underfoot as one walks a path in the woods; the dappled light, the smell of humus and pine, the burbling of a brook of clear cold water.

Noon. Sun. Bright. Shiny. Yellow. A surfer on the ocean, the sun so hot and glaring the person a dark spot on blue.

Some people blog as if they were on the ocean, everyone's eyes on them as they master a difficult maneuver on their surf-board. They detail intimate aspects of their lives; their sex lives, the fights they have with family or friends, what goes on at work or the particulars of their vacations. The one's who do it well attract huge audiences; people flock to see what happened yesterday after the last entry of the post. They dig deep into themselves and pour the blood of their soul out onto the pages and their followers are there to encourage, commend, and applaud.

In a way I envy these bloggers, not only for their ability with words, something which I crave, but for their fearlessness in declaring themselves. They do not seem to want acceptance; it comes to them naturally, perhaps because they never seem to ask for it.

Me, I hide, keeping back parts of myself from most of the world. My deepest thoughts stay under the surface; I come out at dusk and dawn like a rabbit or a deer to eat the shoots of life and then retreat from the harsh light.

Glimpses of me is all anyone ever really sees. I don't know that this is good or bad, but it is a fact. I am who I am. I wish sometimes I were different; that I could surf the sea. But I suppose I was meant for spending most of my times under the surface, in the shadows, in the quiet of the day.

How do you see yourself?

Posted by Rachel Ann at October 19, 2004 07:00 AM

wow. that was quite poetic. i'd say you've got your own ability with words...

Posted by: sarahk at October 20, 2004 09:50 AM
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